Co-Parenting in a High Conflict divorce Tips from a Certified High Conflict Divorce Coach

Understanding the Importance of Communication with a high conflict parent.

Effective communication is the cornerstone of successful co-parenting. When both parents are on the same page, it creates a stable and nurturing environment for the children. As a professional divorce coach, I’ve seen how  communication with a high conflict co-parent can be difficult and messy.  Remember, the goal is to make decisions that are in the best interest of your children.

When dealing with a a high conflict co-parent it is vital to create healthy boundaries and it is most helpful to use a parenting app such as Our Family Wizard Talkingparents or AppClose to assist with child focused  communication, consider setting up regular check-ins with your co-parent through one of these apps. These can be weekly messages where you place your children's schedules, school activities, and any concerns that may arise. Make sure to keep these conversations focused productive and professional.

Creating a Consistent Routine

Children thrive on routine and consistency, especially during times of change like a divorce. Establishing a predictable schedule helps them feel secure and understand what to expect. When divorcing a high conflict coparent it is typical that a high conflict individual do things such as counterparenting because of this it is important that you provide consistent times for meals, homework, and bedtime. Again in a high conflict divorce you will need to think along the lines of parralel parenting where you can only control what happens on your parenting time. (see the power and control wheel regarding post separation abuse)

When children know that your home provides consistency it allows them to relax and  adapt more easily to the new family dynamics. Children struggle in chaos and inconsistency and many times you will see increased anxiety in your child. It is recommended to have your child see someone if this persists.

Tools to Help You Stay Organized

Utilize tools like shared calendars or co-parenting apps to keep track of your children's schedules and important dates. These tools can help prevent miscommunications and ensure that both parents are informed about upcoming events and responsibilities.

Focusing on the Children’s Needs

During the post divorce journey, it’s crucial to keep the focus on your children’s needs . After leaving a high conflict relationship it is recommended to speak with a traum-informed therapist to ensure that you give yourself the proper tools to healing.

Encourage your children to express their feelings and listen to their concerns. Validate their emotions and reassure them that you love them and are committed to their well-being. This emotional support is vital for helping them navigate the changes in their lives.

Encouraging Positivity

 Never speak negative about the other parent in front of the children. Speaking negatively of the other parent tells the child that there must be something wrong with them as they are 50% you and 50% the other parent. When asked by one of my children "Why does dad speak bad about you?" I explained to my child that I could not speak for the other parent the child persisted and said you never speak bad about them and at that moment I seized the opportunity to explained to the child that they are the best of both of us and that they are the best thing that their father and I would ever have accomplished in our lives. The child smiled and never asked again. 

Seeking Professional Help When Needed

Parenting with a high conflict co-parent can be challenging, and it’s okay to seek professional help when needed. A divorce coach or trauma-informed therapist can provide valuable guidance and support. They can help you develop effective parallel parenting strategies and give you communication tips when dealing with an high conflict co-parent.

Don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you’re struggling. Professional support can make a significant difference in creating a positive experience for both you and your children.

Building a Support Network

In addition to professional help, build a support network of friends and family who can offer encouragement and advice. Having a strong support system can help you navigate the challenges of co-parenting and ensure that you’re not going through it alone. Ensure that your support system does not disparage the other parent. 

By implementing these tips, you can create a stable and nurturing environment for your children, helping them thrive despite the changes in their family structure. Remember, the key to successful parenting is  focusing on the well-being of your children.